“I believe, Daddy. I know others in my class don’t, but I do. You wouldn’t lie to me!”
I am floored by this indictment. He misses my downturned eyes and pained smile.
“I am lying to you, son.” I think to myself.
What to do? Is there a parenting handbook for explaining how to turn fantasy into reality? Why I wasn’t really lying?
He makes me think, “What else have I lied to him about? What future explanations are coming?”
Why did I break trust to continue tradition? Why can’t I be open and true with my own son? No, it’s not that hard, I can handle this one, the small ones. But, what about the bigger ones?
The changing face of love. The lies of your own heart. Your strong faith and then your, just as strong, doubt. Happily ever after. My unwavering convictions and lack of fear. I think I might be able to go on all day!
I am a liar!
I never intended for this to be true. I wanted to be a protecter and defender, but I have failed. I must change, but I also must balance innocence with the need for truth.
Amidst the lies of my own life, I must figure out the truth. I must not fail as I was failed. I must cast doubt into his innocence. I must plant these seeds to build his resiliency. I must teach him to look for himself!
Please don’t look too hard, son, I don’t want to scare you with my unmasked self!